


JoyRide

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Nights [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Batmobile, Explosions, F/M, Joker and Harley have a healthy relationship, Smut, Stealing, barely escaping, cursing, in a stole car sex because its Batman's car!, mad love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 12:41:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6985558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joker figures out how to steal the Batmobile</p>
            </blockquote>





	JoyRide

No one was around to pick up Joker and take him to Arkham. Batman had dropped him off with the police, but had to immediately take off when there was an explosion in the business district. And so Joker was left with the police. Arkham had been called but there had been some miscommunication and now it looked like the Joker would be the guest of the Gotham City Police Department until the following morning. 

Joker wiggled a bit before sliding down the wall onto his side. The straight jacket was kind of comfy, but it did make trying to escape a little more difficult. He rolled along the floor of his cell. 

Harley had managed to get away from Batsy. She had looked so adorable swinging that giant hammer and yelling BINGO! Joker started to laugh as he lay on his back. 

He stopped and frowned wondering if she was okay. He was going to kill someone... if anyone laid a hand on her...might kill them anyway, but especially if anyone hurt her. He put his legs up into the air while he waited, examining his purple and orange socks, wondering how long before Harley broke him out. He grinned at his shoes, laying the heels against the wall and tapping out a dance he remembered from somewhere...maybe...didn't know and didn't really care. 

Joker started to sing to himself. “I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!!...” A guard walked over slamming his stun rod against the cell. “Shut up, clown! God, I'll be glad when the guys get here to get your ass into Arkham.” The guard, an older man, balding and a little on the chunky side snarled. 

Joker grinned brightly at the uniformed man. “Ya going to come in here and make me?” 

The guard snarled. “Keep it up funny man and I just might.” 

“Promises, promises.” The Joker chuckled. He had just started to sing Twinkle Twinkle little bat, when suddenly the sound of an alarm bell filled the area. 

The guard took off at a run yelling into the radio on his shoulder. Joker started to laugh even harder. “Run, Forest Run!!” 

Rolling to his knees he pushed himself up with a grin. “Oh Harley, my dear you are a dream!” 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the guard that had been threatening him went flying down the aisle past Joker's cell. 

“Woohoo!!! Pigs can fly!! That looked like it hurt!” Joker laughed, rocking back and forth on his heels. When he saw Harley doing a back flip to land in front of his cell dressed in her black and red cat suit he laughed. 

“Ooh, hey there hot cakes. Care to break a guy out?” He waggled his green eyebrows at her. 

Harley giggled and waved. “Hey Puddin!!” 

She dashed over to the fallen guard doing a quick search of his person, coming up with the keys which she held up with a jingle. She unlocked the cell door and doing a perfectly executed flip, she landed in front of the Joker. Grinning, he turned around so she could get him out of the jacket. “Harley, that was spectacular! I knew I could count on my bumblebee!” 

“Thank you Mr. J.” She giggled as she sliced through the straight-jacket ties with a pocket knife, who, only god knew where she had hidden it in that costume. 

“You would think they would learn to beef up security. Make it more of a challenge.” Harley sighed. 

Joker looked over his shoulder at her. “Well my dear, it is a sad state of affairs. What with budget cuts and such. Makes breaking out rather boring.” He sighed sadly. Harley patted his shoulder. 

“Maybe B-man will show up? That would be fun.” 

Joker giggled. “Oh you are a girl after my heart. Maybe he will!” 

She helped him pull the straitjacket off and the two of them strolled out of the cell. 

* 

Batman had just finished tying up the mess that Firefly had left behind. The pyromaniac had set fire to a whole series of buildings in the central business district. Luckily causalties were at a minimum...if that could be called lucky. The property destruction, however, was massive. At least several buildings were going to have to be torn down. He was about the to leave now that the hard working members of the Gotham Fire Department had everything under control when he received word of an explosion at the police department. He snarled in irritation, but he was thankful that Joker was on his way to Arkham. 

* 

Joker gave Harley a push up where she grabbed the edge of the vent and hauled herself inside. She turned and put her arm down for him to catch a hold of and she helped lift him up. Once they were in the vent they started to crawl on hands and knees with Harley leading the way. Joker grinned broadly; having her backside in his face which was pretty nice. After a couple of minutes she stopped. “Shoot!” 

She stopped, looking both ways where the vent separated. Joker giggled and bit her rear making her squeak in surprise. “MR. J!” 

Joker giggled even more when she squealed. “What? Your rear, my darling, is in my face and I am not really sure what you expect me to do! I've been in jail for the last few hours!! And it's like a damn apple! Just waiting to be bit!” 

Harley giggled taking the left vent. “You're terrible,” she muttered with a grin. Joker smiled in agreement. “Yes, yes I am.That's what you love about me kitten,” he said in return, giggling and taking another nibble at her rear end, making Harley squeak again. 

It only took a few more minutes of crawling, the alarms echoing off the walls of the old police station. They finally reached a section where Harley jumped down, motioning for him to follow her. 

Then she kicked the vent out and dropped down. Joker right behind her. He grinned when he saw where they were, the morgue. She smiled brightly. “I figured everyone would be upstairs and these stiffs don't rat people out!” 

Joker chuckled walking over and lifting the sheet on one of the bodies and giggled as a thought struck him. “Wanna do it in a morgue?” 

Harley grinned. “Yeah, but I don't want you getting caught again!” 

Joker shrugged. “Ce la vie. Though it might be worth it.” 

He giggled again taking the hand of the body on the slab and kissing the knuckles. “Sorry my friend, but no show for you tonight.” 

Harley leaned against the door to the morgue looking out the window there. She could see a few people; no cops though. They looked to simply be office workers. 

“I haven't killed anyone in hours...” Joker leaned on the other side of the door and glanced out the window making a face before looking at Harley. 

She giggled. “Yeah, but I wanna get out of the police station first.” 

Joker pouted, sticking his bottom lip out at her making her snort laugh. Harley leaned forward and kissed his bottom lip. Joker snagged her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her deeply. 

After a moment or two they turned to look back at the morgue. “Okay, but before we go, let's have some fun!” 

After about twenty minutes they finally caught a break where they could slip out to the other room where the bodies were brought in and out the delivery truck door. They took the vehicle that sat out there, a Gotham coroner's van, speeding away having left behind a scene with the corpses in the morgue that resembled the dogs playing poker paintings by C.M. Coolidge. 

* 

Batman arrived walking into the police station just as Commissioner Gordon arrived. “What happened Commissioner?” 

Gordon looked beyond angry. He wasn't here when Batman had brought Joker in. If he had been maybe none of this would have happened, but it was too late now. “No one transferred Joker, Batman. He was here when the explosion occurred. No one saw anything except Conor back there. Claims he thought he saw a harlequin clown.” 

Batman growled. “Harley Quinn. So the Joker is gone?” 

Gordon nodded. “Not sure how long he's been gone, but they left a present down in the morgue according to one Jones who called me.” 

They made their way down to see the scene left for them. Batman's frown deepened. Gordon shook his head. “Think it's a message?” 

Batman sighed. “No I think they were just having a good time.” 

That was when the coroner on duty came running back in. “They stole our van!” 

* 

Joker tapped his chin with a finger while Harley drove. They had just gone around a corner when the Joker smiled slowly. “I have the best idea!! PULL OVER!!!” Harley reacted instantly, yanking the van over and stopping. She turned to stare at him. “What?” 

“Leave the van—we need to go back!” He punctuated his sentence with his index finger in the air. “Why?” Harley looked completely stunned, but then Joker grinned that maniacal grin of his. “We are going to steal the Bat-mobile!” 

* 

Soon they were on their way, walking back to the station. “How can you steal the B-man's car puddin? Doesn't he have it coded to himself or something?” Harley had a tiny pop gun while Joker had taken the tire iron from the van. “Why, yes he does my little minx! But I have found a way to break the coding. I've known how to take the Batmobile for ages now. BUT tonight is the prefect night to do it!” 

He grinned brightly. 

“Why's that Mr. J?” Harley looked around a corner before motioning that it was clear. “Why Harley love, tonight it would be funny!” 

* 

It didn't take them as long to find where Batman had parked the vehicle. “Are you sure this is a good idea Puddin?” They had found the car pretty easily, but Harley was still a bit nervous stealing the B-man's ride. 

Mr. J winked at her. “Harley, my girl, this will be tons of fun!” Joker squatted down in front of the driver's side door, careful not to touch it. She giggled leaning in over his shoulder. “Yer right puddin—sorry.” He reached up without looking, his eyes glued to the door, examining it closely, and patted her cheek. 

After a few long moments of study, he pulled a few things out of his jacket's inner pockets. She wasn't sure exactly what he did, but as soon as he touched the door with one of his devices, there was a jolt of electricity over the whole vehicle that suddenly came to life and was instantly drained away. Joker snickered and then started to fiddle with the door while Harley stood look out. After a few tense minutes the door to the Batmobile opened and Joker stood up with a shouted, “EUREKA!” 

He then bowed to an invisible audience. Harley giggled and clapped. “Oh Mr. J, you are brilliant!!” He winked at her before he jumped in, his fingers moved swiftly over the computer system. Harley watched his back, her eyes darting back and forth in the darkness, but so far no one had seen them. She glanced back at Joker, bent over the console's computer, his green eyes narrowed in concentration until he started to laugh low and deep. “Tada!” 

Harley giggled. “You are incredible Mr. J!” 

Joker snickered. “Yes, yes I know. Come my dear! Let us go for a joyride. Have you ever gone to third base in a Batmobile?” Harley giggled her eyes twinkling. 

Within seconds, Harley had them squealing out of the hiding place and speeding down the street, the two of them whooping with joy. 

* 

Batman looked down when an alarm went off on his wrist. His eyes narrowed; someone was playing with the locks of the Batmobile. He didn't give it a second thought as the security on the car was unbreakable. The stun system should have stopped anyone from messing with the car and if not that, then the security locks...it would be fine. 

He turned the alarm off unworried when suddenly it started to go off again, the sound having changed tone stating that the car had been opened. Batman stared at it for a long moment before he took off leaving the police station. 

* 

Joker played with all the buttons on the dash. “Doesn't this thing have a simple CD player or radio? Come on Bats! Geez, this guy is way too serious.” 

Harley rolled her eyes. “Right! I mean you gotta have bad guy catching music!” 

“Or in our case my dear, car stealing music!” Joker chortled. “We should stop and get donuts my sweet. I feel a little peckish!” 

“OoOO, I want sprinkles!! Circus sprinkles!!!” Harley grinned taking a corner a little too fast, but still avoiding a wreck. She knew the best place for donuts! 

They pulled into a 24 hour donut shop called, Eat'em and Weep. They parked the Batmobile right up on the sidewalk and, holding hands, skipped inside. 

The kid behind the counter gave the pair a wide-eyes once over, but said nothing. They ordered a dozen donuts and two milks to go. “That'll be $18.50,” the kid muttered. Joker sighed. “I hate to say this sonny boy, but we don't have any money on us. I mean I just broke out of jail and all.” 

Harley grinned. “I could give him a kiss?” 

Joker turned to look at her. “Well, yes, but then I would be forced to kill him.” Joker gave the young man his best sinister grin. “Yes, I would have to pull your lips off and then yank your tongue through your neck. I mean, nothing personal, but you understand right?” 

The young man's eyes bugged, his mouth falling open as he nodded. 

Harley leaned on Joker her arms going around his waist as she gazed up lovingly into his eyes, her eyes adoring. “You would do that for me?” 

“Of course I would my little sprinkled donut...no one touches you but me.” Joker rubbed his nose against hers before turning to smile at the kid again. 

The kid stuttered and then waved them off. “They're on the house, man. I gotta girl—she would kill me too.” 

Joker snorted. “That's right, stick it to the man! Oh yes, keep the lady happy young man! Come my dear, let us go and leave this poor boy...alive.” With his arm around her shoulders he tugged her close, while in his other hand he carried their donuts and gave the kid a wink. 

The kid chuckled nervously and Harley blew him a kiss with a wicked grin as they trotted back out to the car, donuts and milk in hand. 

The kid put a hand to his chest and muttered, “That's it. I quit.” 

* 

Batman hissed into his communicator. “Alfred, I need the Batcycle. They just stopped. I might be able to catch up. I can't do it on foot.” 

“Alright sir. How did they steal the Batmobile anyway, if I might ask?” Alfred sounded impressed which only annoyed Bruce more. 

“I have no idea. Going to have to change the security on it,” he snarled. After closing communication with Alfred, Batman quietly said, “I hate that clown.” 

* 

They drove around for a little while they tried to decide what to do. Harley wanted to find one of the make out points just outside Gotham which was fine by him, but he wanted to cause a little damage before they did so. 

Joker was eating a chocolate donut and feeding Harley one of her sprinkle ones while she drove. He stuffed the remainder of his donut in his mouth and then leaned forward, frowning while he examined all the buttons on the dash. He decided to just push one button just to see what it did and they both heard what sounded like a latch or compartment opening. Joker turned to look behind them and saw they were leaving a trail of oil or something equally greasy on the road behind them. Immediately a couple of cars behind them hit the trail skidding out of control and slamming into other cars, one going through a shop window. Joker squealed with excitement. “YES!!! Much more fun to be on the other end of that little trick.” He grinned at Harley. “We should put some of these in our van—it would be fun!” 

Harley chuckled. “Hit the B-man with one of his own tricks!” 

Joker tapped his chin looking over the dash. “Oooh. It's like Christmas! Let's see what this button does!” Joker hit another button and a large gun looking thing rose up outside the car as another button rolled down on the dash. Joker snickered, glancing at Harley before he pushed it. A huge square shaped bag went flying out of the “gun” targeting and hitting a man walking down the street, his shoulders slumped and buried in his pockets. The fellow went flying forward, his feet going out from under him when the bag hit him square between the shoulders. Joker started laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. Harley made a hard right. “OoOO, I know where we need to go!” 

Joker wiped his eyes and giggled. “Where sweetie?” 

She giggled. “Oh, just downtown.” 

* 

Batman was trying to determine where they were going, but their driving was erratic. To make his chase harder, the tracker kept going on and off. If he didn't know better he would say that Joker had found it and was simply messing with him...Batman sighed heavily. That was probably exactly what was happening. Damn it! he thought to himself. This was embarrassing, but he would learn from his mistakes. 

* 

Harley sped down the strip where all the trendy nightclubs of Gotham were located. There were lines of people standing outside, every one of them waiting to be let him. Harley grinned. “Get 'em Puddin!!” 

Joker laughed hysterically firing the newly discovered beanbag weapon. Both of them laughed so hard as they pelted random people in line or tried for the door men that Harley almost crashed more than once, but watching the legs go out from under someone was hilarious. Then, if someone decided to give chase, Joker would simply let the oil fly behind them. “When we are done, no one is going to like Batsy very much!” Joker snorted. Harley started laughing again, clipping a sidewalk bench and sending it flying into a crowd of clubbers in line. 

* 

Finally the two of them got bored and Harley drove them to Robinson Park. She drove around until she found a nice dark place to park. She turned to Joker, the interior lights on, giving him a waggly eyebrows. “Wanna make out Mr. J?” 

Joker giggled. “Why, Ms. Harley Quinn, what kind of boy do you take me for?” He put his hand to his chest looking mockingly scandalized. 

Harley crawled over to get onto his lap. Joker fiddled around a bit, muttering, “Don't these seats lay back?” 

Harley giggled grinding against his groin making her guy groan. 

Fumbling a little with one hand, Joker found the handle and the seat fell backwards. They both squealed in surprise. They were laughing, but then Harley gave him a saucy grin, wrinkling her nose at him when she leaned in to brush her painted lips against his bright red ones. Her tongue shot out to trace his mouth before she whispered. “Ready to be taken advantage of Mr. J? Your Harley needs some revving up.” 

Joker grinned, a slow sexy smirk as he reached around and yanked the zipper on the back of her outfit, sliding down her back exposing her satin flesh to the chilly air. She shivered. “OoOoh!” 

He snickered, tugging her closer to nip at her lips, hungry to taste her tongue in his mouth, her soft yielding body pressed against him. 

They shared an intense kiss, tongues twisting against each other in a delicious hot, wet kiss that had heat building between them while his long, graceful fingers snagged her outfit at the shoulders and yanked the fabric down. He yanked it below her breasts, grinning when he looked down to see them exposed, pink and pump, her nipples already hard, ready for biting and sucking. He grinned a wicked smile—one of his favorite pastimes was sucking on her nipples and listening to her moan in pleasure. 

“Talk dirty to me Mr. J...tell me what you want.” Harley purred leaning up to brush her breasts against his mouth. 

He licked his lips ,bringing a hand up to tease one of her nipples. Harley moaned at his touch. Joker leaned in close to her ear, his tongue licking her earlobe as he hissed. “I want you to fuck me, Harley.” 

He then grabbed her bottom lip with his teeth pulling it out playfully, his green eyes locked with hers burning into her. He dragged a finger down between her breasts making her shudder. 

“I want you Harley,” he said, his voice a deep growl of need. She could feel how turned on he was between her legs and oh, did it feel wonderful. She teased him by rubbing against him. Joker's eyes fluttered with pleasure. With a quick yank so her breasts brushed against his face, his long tongue whipped out to lick her nipples. She groaned, arching her back. Grinning wickedly, he sucked on a nipple, biting, just enough to make her jerk. He didn't want to draw blood, just to leave marks. 

He ran his hands up her back, one hand going up to her head piece pulling on one of her pompoms brushing his lips down the curve of her breast. He sucked hard on her nipple before grabbing her rear and squeezing. 

Squealing, Harley wiggled in the most delicious way. Leaning in, Harley bit his neck and then sucked on his pale skin leaving a mark just like she wanted. Joker groaned, liking the way she bit him and knowing she left a mark. He enjoyed being marked up by her. Using both hands, he squeezed her rear, forcing her down to rub against him, feeling the heat radiating from her. 

Harley's fingers worked to pull at his bowtie, tugging it loose and slowly opening the buttons of his shirt so she could lick at more of his exposed throat, and a little bit of his smooth pale chest where she could scratch her nails. 

She ran her hands down his chest, over the vest and down to his pants. She pushed back, her breasts bouncing in what Joker found to be the most intoxicating way, her clever fingers working to open his slacks. She slowly ran the zipper down, her painted smile—now slightly smeared from kissing Joker—was seductive. Sliding her hand into his pants, she grabbed his erection, not rough, but firmly, while her other hand worked his pants down his hips a little. Joker groaned and his eyes rolled back when she grasped him. 

She circled her thumb over the head of his shaft, slowly pumping her hand up and down. Joker yanked her breasts to his mouth again, lavishing her nipples with his tongue and teeth. He hissed in her ear. “Help me get this off of you.” 

She had to let go of him in order to wiggle out of her body suit, but with the both of them helping, they peeled it off of her. Soon she had the suit dangling by one ankle, the rest of her naked. Joker smirked, running his hands down her body, the thumb of one hand skimming down between her folds to rub at her clitoris. She groaned, arching her back. Her whole body ached to have him. His free hand ran up her stomach to one of her breast where his thumb rolled over the nipple, watching while Harley groaned. Reaching down, Harley grabbed his erection again and started to pump in time to the circles of his thumb around her nipple, both of them grinding against each other. 

Finally Joker grabbed her wrist, snarling. “Now.” 

Grinning, her eyes sparkling, Harley rose up a little on her knees, using her hand that grasped him to moved the head of his erection, teasing them both covering him with her fluids. Groaning at the feel of her hot and wet, ready for him, Joker watched her teasing them both. His fingers traced down her hips, his thumbs skimming the hair at the apex of her sex. She was his....Harley belonged to him...he would kill for her. Okay, honestly he would kill anyway, but for her it would be even more of a pleasure. No one would ever lay a hand on her. No one would ever hurt her. He would hunt them down and make them suffer. 

Harley lowered herself down on him, feeling the wonderful way he filled her. She groaned moving to press her hands up against the ceiling of the Batmobile, leisurely thrusting her hips down on Joker until he was buried inside her. His fingers flexed, digging into her flesh, his eyes on her, watching her every move. 

He licked his lips watching the way she started to move, her hips undulating, grinding against him. He was so thick and hard and she he felt so good! Harley's fingers flexed into the roof of the Batmobile riding Joker with great enthusiasm. She glanced down at him, blue eyes sparkling, loving the way his face looked when they made love. The total surrender to her was one of the ultimate expressions of his feeling for her. Only for her was he ever this unguarded and trusting because he knew she would never hurt him. 

Joker leaned up, grabbing her waist and yanking her down on top of him, his mouth hungry for hers. They fucked and groaned, biting each others tongue and lips, their bodies moving together until she buried her face against his neck crying out against his throat as she was brought to orgasm. “Oooo!!!! Mr. J! Joker!!” His hands glided down to her rear, pressing her down on him while he thrust upward coaxing another climax out of her. 

Just as she came again, Joker dug his fingers into her flesh thrusting up hard, burying himself as deeply as he could when his orgasm overtook his senses and he burst inside her with a long drawn out groan. “Uuhh...Harley...” 

They stayed as they were, bodies still connected, unmoving in the passenger seat. Joker slowly stroked his long fingers down her spine, kissing her ear. Harley grinned and kissed his neck, nuzzling closer. “Bats is going to be so mad.” Harley giggled. 

Joker giggled. “Oh yes. We may have crossed a line...hehehe! This is probably the most action this car has ever seen!” They were both laughing when suddenly the passenger door was yanked open and there stood Batman. 

Harley screamed, covering her breasts. Joker snarled, “RUDE BATS! What's a guy gotta do to get some privacy?” 

Batman stumbled backwards, completely thrown off by seeing Harley Quinn naked and Joker, partially naked. 

Harley quickly crawled off of Joker yelling. “Yer a jerk, B-MAN!!!” 

Joker pulled his pants up, stepping out of the car glaring as he shut the door to give Harley some privacy. “Really, Batsy. I mean I know you don't get any action, but to interrupt a fellow man getting some is just...well, it's breaking a bro-code.” Joker shook his head throwing his hands out like he was just shocked that Batman would break the “bro-code.” But then he started to laugh, a deep maniacal chuckle. Batman snarled. “Look, you are going to Arkham Joker, like you should have been....” 

“Ahh...Batsy you're just pissed that I took your car for a joyride aren't ya? I mean do you really want to drag Harley and me back to the loony bin?” 

Batman narrowed his eyes. “You both need to go back.” Slowly Batman pulled out one of his batarangs taking a step back. That was when Harley came out the driver's side window, now fully dressed, though she held the top of her outfit up with one hand. “Hey B-man! You need a CD player in this hunk of junk! Oh, here ya go puddin!” Harley tossed Joker one his pistols before ducking back into the car. 

Joker caught it easily, grinning. Harley popped back out of the car again pouting. “It won't start sugar!” 

Batman narrowed his eyes again. “Before I opened the door, I override whatever it was that you did Joker.” 

Joker sighed and shrugged. “Oh well...if it's a fight you want...” He turned gracefully aiming his weapon at Batman. Batman threw his cape up successfully blocking the bullets with the bullet resistant material. Joker snarled, running around the Batmobile ducking a batarang. Harley, pissed that the car wouldn't start, jumped over the roof of the Batmobile throwing what looked like the remains of a donut, hitting Batman right in the face. “HA!!! Eat sprinkles Batface!” 

She dropped down, but then realized Joker wasn't there. She was about to go looking when a hand grabbed her shoulder and yanked her over the hood. She started to squeal and fight back when 

Joker snarled. “It's me Harley!!” 

He took off at a run holding on to her, heading for the wooded area of the park. Glancing over his shoulder, he ducked as another batarang flew past close enough to catch a few stray hairs on the side of his head. He let go of Harley just long enough to pull something out of his jacket pockets to throw it behind them. 

“What was that puddin?” 

Joker sneered. “Exploding Jacks...not deadly, but very, very annoying.” 

They managed to hit the trees at the last second as Batman stumbled on some of the jacks. Joker's definition of “not deadly” was not exactly accurate when the first explosion threw Batman backwards off his feet, slamming him against a park bench. He fell on his rear, hissing in pain but he was on his feet again within a heartbeat. 

Joker dragged Harley with him into the woods pulling her into the darkness. “Are we going to fight him?” Harley whispered. 

Joker narrowed his eyes looking for the Bats. “I haven't decided yet, precious. I don't really have my full bag of tricks with me...” He saw the bridge not too far away in the distance. Keeping a hold of Harley, they took off for it. They made it to the bridge dashing across it when out of no where Batman came flying in, kicking Joker. Joker's hand was torn from Harley's, slamming him into the side of the stone wall making up part of the bridge. 

Harley yelped in surprise when Joker's hand was ripped from hers. She saw Bats on top of Joker, pounding on him while Joker fought back. Harley screamed, “GET OFF MY MR. J!” just as she leapt onto Batman's back. She wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled back with all her might. Her added weight pulled Batman off and he stumbled away from Joker who started to laugh while spitting out blood. “Get 'em cupcake! Break his nose!” 

Joker stumbled to his feet and grabbed his lapel flower trying to aim it at Batman, but Bats swung around with Harley so her back was facing Joker. Joker yelped at the last moment, turning to aim at the bridge. 

Suddenly Batman dragged Harley's arms away from his neck and threw her. She let out a yelp of surprise and then an actual scream when she went flying over the bridge and into the river below. 

“Now that was dirty, Bats!” Joker snarled and then surprised Batman when he leapt over the edge going after Harley. 

He heard Joker hit the water and ran to search the darkness for them, but he saw nothing. He pulled out a light from his belt shining it along the water's edge on one side and then on the other, but there was nothing there...no trace that anyone had plunged into the water or had come out. He waited for a long while, but he never saw them surface. He wasn't gullible enough to think they were dead, but they had gotten away for now. Batman turned and slowly made his way back to the car. 

* 

Joker broke the surface a long distance down from the bridge. He sucked in some water, coughing and trying to catch some fresh air while he swam to the shore. He had his other arm around Harley who wasn't breathing. Joker snarled under his breath “Fucking bat...ruining my fun...” 

He got to land and dragged Harley after him laying her on her stomach. He slapped her face hard a few times. “Come on Harley. Wake up!” 

He started to tremble; the cool night air was seeping in through his damp clothing starting to chill his skin, but still, Harley did not respond. He hissed in anger and pushed on her chest, then breathed into her mouth, hissing in between. “Harley if you don't get up I am going to be angry and you know you hate it when I'm angry!! Now GET UP!” He slapped her around the face again before doing more compression and breathing into her mouth. Finally, just went he was starting to experience a rather uncomfortable and uncharacteristic feeling, something close to panic, Harley gasped and coughed up water. Joker rolled her over onto her side rubbing her back slowly without a word. 

She took a deep painful breath of air, coughed again, but finally she was breathing normally. “I hate that stupid Bat-head!” she growled. 

Joker helped her sit up. “Well, my darling dear. I think we should plan a bit of revenge on the winged rat, don't you think?” 

She grinned looking up into his green eyes. “Oh, that sounds like fun puddin!” 

Joker stood, putting a hand out to her. She took it and stood up wearily, but suddenly Joker grabbed her, knocking her legs out from under her and holding her in his arms. “What? Mistah J, I'm fine,” she protested in surprise. “I can walk.” 

“You can walk later, pumpkin.” He kissed the end of her nose. “Let's go home.”


End file.
